It has been tight here financially the past few months. The Lord blessed us with an amazing trip to the Holy Land in December, but since January it has been tough. I know for a fact the two are not related. And I can tell you He has provided in amazing ways. Yet I am so much like the Israelites wandering through the wilderness whining, complaining, and doubting. I struggle to see His blessings in the midst of what I view as a miserable situation. And yet He continues to bless me! The other night I was complaining to Him, yet again, about how things were not the way I wanted them to be when I said it.
"God, I'm tired of this! I'm tired of trusting You!"
I stunned even myself.
Because if I don't trust Him, who do I trust? Certainly not myself. I can't change things. Well. I can. But would it really be for the better? Not if I am doing it in my own strength and not according to His plan.
So after my rant was over He loved on me and reminded me that it is when I am so dependent on Him that I am closest to Him. That He has always provided for me. In the most horrible of circumstances, He took care of me. He loves me more than I can imagine, even in the middle of my temper tantrum.
So I apologized to Him and asked Him to forgive me.
I know it is going to be tough for awhile, but I will trust Him, and I will grow in Him. He has promised to never leave me. He knows every single one of my needs, and desires. He can do exceedingly abundantly above all I can ask, or even THINK! He is God! And he has blessed me tremendously in so many ways. And He will continue to do so.
And I will continue to trust Him.
Because He Is.